David Ryman's Posterous

Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is?

Don't lie and don't cheat. WD-40. Who knew?

I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD-40 who knew?

'Water Displacement #40' The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displacement' compound.. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you. When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stove top ... Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever been.

You'll be amazed. Here are some other uses:

1. Protects silver from tarnishing.

2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.

3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.

4. Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery.

5. Keeps flies off cows.

6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.

7. Removes lipstick stains.

8. Loosens stubborn zippers.

9. Untangles jewelry chains.

10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.

11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.

12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.

13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.

14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.

15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.

16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.

17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.

18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.

19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40! 20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.

21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.

22. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.

23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.

24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.

25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.

26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.

27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans

28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.

29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.

30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.

31. Removes splattered grease on stove.

32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.

33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.

34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).

35. Removes all traces of duct tape.

36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.

37. Florida 's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'

38. The favorite use in the state of New York , WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.

39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.

40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.

41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.

42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!

43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.

P.S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called
the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or
three readings before the editor realized that what he was
reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next
day. I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny...

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No crap, really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

________________________________________________________________
Finally, a true map of Florida that explains this weird, but
wonderful state. Those of you who live in Florida will recognize
it, and those who don’t have been warned !!!

You know you're a Floridian if....

• Socks are only for bowling.
• You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.
• A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
• Your winter coat is made of denim.
• You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
• You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
• Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.
• You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
• You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
• Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
• You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
• You dread love bug season.
• You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, Jeanne & Wilma...Irene...Cheryl...Rita Mary..Alison
• You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.
• You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
• 'Down South' means Key West Flip-flops are everyday wear.
• Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.
• You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
• You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
• A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
• You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.
• You've hosted a hurricane party.
• You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.
• You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
• You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
• You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.
• You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '.

________________________________________________________________

Don't forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman
other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide. So
next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Standard Time, all Australian women are
asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any
neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist
effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of
their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove
that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does
not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of
your patriotism.

The Australian government appreciates your efforts to root out
terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist
activity.

Interstate Dog

A lady was telling her neighbor that she saw a man driving a pick-up
truck down the interstate, and a dog was hanging onto the tailgate for
dear life! She said if the pick-up truck driver hadn't been going so fast in the
other direction, she would have tried to stop him. A few weeks later, her neighbor saw this truck at the Bass Pro Shop. The pick-up truck driver is a local taxidermist with a great sense of
humor! Taxidermists are a twisted lot anyway! And it is not a dog, it is
a coyote. Can you imagine how many people tried to stop this guy?

- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked,
"Can you afford fries with that?"

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

- If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.

- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children's names.

- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

- Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

- Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

- The Mafia is laying off judges.

- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh
Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the
people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and
when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I
could drive a truck.